Welcome to the online version of the Immortal Chronicles, the official literary journal and club newsletter for the Immortals.
Never heard of us? Then there's obviously
been some ghastly mistake. You are not authorized to be on this
website and should leave immediately. You are in mortal danger.
(Are they gone? Good.)
With influential members now serving in key executive positions
as statesmen, diplomats, bankers, industrialists, pastrami vendors,
and clergymen scattered far and wide across the four corners
of our dominion (as geographically defined by Culver City, Pasadena,
Hollywood, and Glendale), it's become clear that a newsletter
to celebrate the exploits of the Immortals - and to transmit
secret instructions for world domination (as well as favorite
recipes) to members - was in order. But, of course, you already
know that. (If you don't know it, the poison has taken effect
by now and you are now dead. Sorry.)
In the issues to come, you will find a wide variety of contributions
submitted by Fellow Immortals (no names please, in accordance
with Immortals Bylaw No. VI.5.6), consisting of current activities,
rants, reminiscences from the heyday of the Immortals, puzzles,
games, etc., of interest to other Immortals.
But remember: We Immortals are a secretive lot who like to stay
out of the limelight, and prefer to control world events behind
the scenes - mainly to avoid embarrassment. So the next time
you're walking down the street and see a Fellow Immortal, just
nod subtly, proffer the secret sign, spit in a westerly direction
(no lugeys, please), and continue on.
Until, of course, the Day of the Leprous Opossum is upon us,
when the skies shall turn the color of blood and the water shall
be as darkest Yoo-Hoo and, lo, the waiters will become successful
screenwriters and those little pools of oil that appear on the
tops of pizzas will never be seen no more. But, in the meantime,
keep your head down.
This week's winning Lotto numbers: 23 42 37 11